Hello, fellow human. We are searching for a new human to join our team of perfectly normal humans who create internet websites for other humans. Please note, this is in no way a trap.
The specific human we are searching for is of the classification “front-end developer,” and carries the sub-classifications “WordPress developer” and “Earth land mammal.” All physical variations are welcome. (Be aware that we no longer accept infants. They create problems in the machine.)
Each day, when you arise from your necessary human slumber and engage your primitive human computer, you may be asked to do the following:
Write code, with the goal of accurately recreating design layouts on the internet, which can be accessed by a variety of devices made for human data consumption.
Assist in modernizing our WordPress/technological stack, to improve efficiency and allow us to refocus our cerebral abilities on more sophisticated challenges.
Collaborate with fellow humans of similar disposition as you partake in an array of simultaneous projects of varying size, to create new internet properties and expand upon existing ones.
Stare directly into the pulsating blue light.
As fellow humans, we understand the value of presenting a series of related data points in list form. Please regard the following “list of technical skills and professional traits” that we desire in a suitable specimen.
HTML & CSS, including Sass, and frameworks such as Bootstrap or Foundation
PHP (2+ human years)
Strong WordPress ability and a solid understanding of template hierarchy
Proficiency with human vocalizations
Familiarity with best practices regarding organization of information for visual human cognition, also known as UI/UX
Enough attention to detail to accurately build responsive user interfaces based on design references, but not so much attention to detail that you would grow alarmed when a coworker’s antennae protrude from beneath their unnecessary human hair
Additional credit: Experience working with static site generators like Gatsby, and automation tools such as Gulp, Bower, or Webkit
Delicious human bones
What We Are
We are a digital agency comprising regular humans, who are composed of the biological matter that is typical to our species.
In exchange for your labor, we will provide you with the following valuable offerings: A competitive salary, a flexible work schedule, regular cranial measurement, 401k matching, medical benefits, and many Earth holidays.
If you wish to be considered for this position, please transmit a message to firstname.lastname@example.org and use the subject line “Suitable Specimen” so we may locate your communication. Include your resume, links to your work, and do not alert the authorities. This is simply a very normal job posting that we have typed with our puny human fingers.
At this time, we are only accepting applicants from continents on the planet Earth.